Hold On
by Joanne Lupin
Summary: Blaine struggles to adapt to life without Kurt when the latter goes to NYADA.
1. Chapter 1

It was Friday, so, obviously, there was a Friday Night Dinner. But it was eerily quiet. Solemn. Blaine and Kurt both ate with one hand, their others twined together under the table. Burt frequently coughed, warding off the knot that tried to settle at the back of his throat and squeeze tears up to his eyes. Carole dabbed at hers constantly. Finn ate as quietly as he could; he tried not to make any eating noise that might crudely interrupt the silence. Finally, Kurt let out a long sigh.

"This is gonna be my last Friday Night Dinner here for a while. Could we just… make it a happy one?"

_How? _Blaine asked bitterly in his head. _How can I be happy when I know that I'll be alone for a whole year?_

"Y-yeah," Burt said, his voice raspy. "Yeah. W-we should, uh, we should…"

Finn grinned. "We should go around and say our most embarrassing Kurt moment!"

"Yeah, good idea," Kurt said feaux-sarcastically.

Burt began, "I have about eight of them, and they all involve walking in o-"

"OKAY!" Kurt clapped his hands, he and Blaine both blushing profusely. "Carole, what about you?"

Carole smiled as memories washed over her for a momentarily. "Probably the time when you told me I'd been misusing the word 'argyle' for years."

Kurt snorted. "Finn?"

"Well, a lot of mine are the same as Burt's…"

"BLAINE. What about you?"

"I don't really feel like-"

Kurt squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "Please, dear? Everyone else did one."

"I just don't-"

"It'll help you feel better-"

"No, it won't. You don't get it. I can't just _feel better._" He was standing now, his grip on Kurt's hand broken. "How can I _feel better _when I know that, this time tomorrow, I'll-" _I'll be alone _"-you'll be g-gone."

"Oh, Blaine," Kurt cooed, standing and holding out his arms. Blaine crumpled into them as tears squeezed out of his eyes. Burt glanced at Carole, and the two of them edged quietly out of the room. After taking a second to realize why, Finn followed. Blaine was clutching Kurt's back like he was a lifeline- and maybe he was. Kurt's voice was thick as he comforted his boyfriend. "Blaine, honey, it's okay. I'll talk to you every night, I promise. And you'll come visit. And then next year you'll graduate and we'll be together again. It's only a year."

"But-"

Kurt tipped his boyfriend's face up gently. "Blaine, look at me. We'll be _fine_. You know why?"

Blaine sniffed and shook his head.

"Because we love each other."

Blaine hugged him tightly, then pulled away, sniffling. "That's why I'll miss you so much."

"Oh, Blaine…" Kurt gripped his hands and placed a light kiss on his mouth. "Remember when we met and you told me to have courage? That's what I'm saying to you now. Courage."

The boy stared down at their clasped hands. "Yeah. C-courage."

They embraced once more, then Blaine murmured, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Blaine."

-o0o-

Blaine stayed over that night. Usually, Burt would have had reservations, but there were extenuating circumstances. It was obvious that they needed each other there that night. They faced each other, lying on their sides. Kurt drifted off quickly, but Blaine stayed awake all night, trying to commit everything to memory.

_This is the last time we'll be right here, just us, doing this. This is the last time things will be the way they are._

In reality, though, things were already different. They were different because Blaine had never held this tightly to Kurt before, never struggled so hard to keep awake, never felt these building senses of fear and dread. It was already so different, but that didn't keep Blaine from wanting time to stop so that he could live in that moment where Kurt was right next to him and they were together and they loved each other.

-o0o-

"Blaine, I am shaking. _Shaking._"

"Relax, Kurt, it's okay."

"What if they didn't like me? Oh, God, I _knew _I should have done 'Defying Gravity' instead! And I totally messed up on that one part- did you hear that, because I- arrgh!"

Blaine took Kurt's hand "You did _amazing, _Kurt. You always do. They'd be idiots to not accept you."

Burt came in just then, carrying a thick envelope.

"OHMYGODTHAT'SITHTAT'SFROMNYADAOHMYGODIT'SHERE!"

Blaine squeezed his boyfriend's trembling hand. Burt held out the envelope, but Kurt shook his head. "You do it, Blaine, I can't- I just can't."

The boy took the envelope and tore it open. "Dear Mr. Hummel: We… we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts!"

"No!" Kurt snatched the letter away and read it over several times as the words struggled to compute in his brain. "I got in… _I got in!_" He pounced on Blaine, nearly toppling them both over. Blaine hugged him back.

"See? I told you," Blaine said before letting Burt over to celebrate with his son. He could feel his eyes welling up, and he told himself they were merely tears of joy. After Kurt and his father had their moment, the boy pulled Blaine over for another hug. "I'm so proud, Kurt. I knew you could do it."

But his words were flatter than he'd have liked them to be, and something unpleasant was clutching at him inside his chest. _So that's it, then. He's really leaving._

He'd been in denial. As much as he'd tried to tell himself that this was happening- because he'd known that Kurt would get in; like he'd said before, they'd be stupid not to accept one as amazingly talented as Kurt Hummel- there was still that little _what if _that lingered in the open air. But he was definitely going now, off to new and exciting places just out of Blaine's reach.

He felt terrible about how he was responding, but there was no denying that it was terribly bittersweet. All the sadness, the loneliness, the fear- the _realness _of it came crashing down on him now, where it had been previously kept at bay by the tiny _what if. _He tried to be cheerful as they celebrated, but at the back of his mind, worries mounted up. _He's really leaving. And I'll be alone._

-o0o-

By the time they'd gotten all of his things into the car, Kurt was becoming tired. Yes, he was saying goodbye, but he was going to _New York_, for Christ's sake. He was getting out of Lima. He was starting an adventure. But the atmosphere was so sad and solemn, he couldn't tactfully express his excitement. So it built up inside him, dancing an intricate tango on his nerves- which were already frayed because, let's face it, he was terrified of being in New York on his own- until a sniffle from Blaine gave him cause to explode.

"God, Blaine can't we just be happy for me for _once_? It's not like I'm dying. Get a grip!"

Shocked silence took over the car as Blaine's eyes, huge and unfairly puppyish, gazed wounded-ly at him. "Well, I'm sorry I-"

"No, honey, I didn't mean it like-"

"But it's true, I am-"

"No, I understand. This is really hard for you, I know."

"But it's your day, Kurt. I need to support you in this."

"Yeah, but-"

"No, really, you're right. Here-" Blaine scooted closer to Kurt and wrapped an arm around him. "Now… Tell me about what you can't wait to do in New York."

Kurt kissed Blaine, a long kiss that lingered for a while. "I can't wait for you to visit." They rode the rest of the way sitting close, planning what they'd do on Blaine's visits and wondering about Kurt's roommate and remembering their time together. It didn't ward off either of their fears, but, for a while, at least, they were less pervasive.

-o0o-

Blaine held back as Carole, then Burt gave Kurt a parting embrace. Then it was his turn. They held each other tightly, as if they could imprint the feeling of the other in their arms for forever. Blaine kissed on the mouth, a long but light kiss that sent his lips tingling. _This might be the last time I'll feel like this. _

"I promise I'll call you as soon as I can."

"Mhmm."

"I promise my plane won't crash into the ocean or be hijacked or anything."

"I know."

"I promise I'll put a giant poster of you in my bedroom so I can look at you every day. And when people come into my room people will ask, 'Kurt, who is that insanely attractive guy on your wall?' And I will reply, 'That is my boyfriend.' And they'll be like, '_Damn, _Kurt! You have the loveliest boyfriend!' And I'll be able to flaunt it in their faces."

That coaxed a laugh from Blaine. "I love you, Kurt."

"I love you, too, Blaine."

They kissed again, longer, and Blaine wished he could freeze everything right there. But Kurt pulled away, muttering, "I'll miss my plane," and Blaine nodded, and Kurt grabbed his carry-on and disappeared down the hallway. Burt wrapped an arm around Blaine, and the boy stared down at his feet and at the teardrops that he hadn't known existed- the ones that were falling on his shoes.

_He's really gone now. No turning back._

-o0o-

He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, Blaine!"

"Kurt!"

"Hi!"

"Hi! How is everything?"

"Well, I didn't die, obviously. I'm taking a break from unpacking right now. Remind me again why I own so much crap."

"You tell me, dear."

The sound of Kurt's laugh tinkling on the other end put some uneasy thing in Blaine's chest to rest.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

And he did. But he felt much more relaxed, now. Kurt was there, safe in New York, getting settled, and nothing bad had happened yet. He hadn't spontaneously combusted. The world was intact. They were both totally fine, and they both still loved each other. Maybe he could make it through this year, after all.

"Oh, hey, my room mate's coming in! One sec- Hey, Jared! This is that boyfriend I was talking about. Wanna say hi? –I told him about you already. Here you go…"

"Hi," said a deep voice on the other end. "I'm Jared. I guess your Kurt and I will be rooming together."

"Yeah. Take good care of him, please. I want him back in one piece."

"I will."

After a sufficiently awkward silence, Jared said, "Well, nice talking to you. I'm sure I'll be hearing a lot about you this year."

"Yeah… Yeah, nice talking to you…"

"Okay, I'll give you back to Kurt now."

"Excellent, yeah, good… Thanks… Bye!"

"Bye, Blaine."

And then- "Hey, honey!"

"Hey, Kurt. So how're you settling in?"

"Pretty good. I have _loads _more unpacking to do, but I'll survive."

"Good," he said. If Kurt was here, Blaine would have kissed him on the cheek and wrapped an arm around his waist. He winced. "I really miss you."

"I know. But we're talking right now and we'll Skype tomorrow and before you know it, I'll be back for break!"

"Yeah… Yeah…"

"Courage."

"Courage."

They stayed together on the phone for a while, then Kurt sighed. "I really should start unpacking. I have a lot of work to do…"

"Oh, yeah. Okay. I guess I'll talk to you later, then."

"Yeah, you will."

"Okay. I love you!"

"I love you, too!"

They hung up at the same time.

_That wasn't so bad. I could still hear him… And tomorrow I'll be able to _see _him. We'll be fine. I know it._

-o0o-

He didn't sleep well that night. He was undeniably exhausted, but he worried about Kurt, all alone except for some random Jared guy. He wished he was there in New York, keeping company on his first night alone. Tossing once again, he groaned.

_This is a stupid, cheesy, corny idea. I've been watching too many rom coms or something._

Blaine hauled himself up and searched until he found what he was searching for: one of Kurt's T-shirts. He must have left it at Blaine's house one night. Blaine sniffed it, and a slight whimper escaped him. It would be ages before he would smell this undeniably-Kurt smell anything other than secondhand. The thought sent a pang through his chest.

"I miss you," he whispered into the fabric.

He liked to think that, somehow, Kurt could hear him, and was whispering something back to him now:

"I miss you, too."


	2. Chapter 2

"Blaine? Blaine, can you hear me?"

"Yeah, but I can't- oh, now I- damn, it's gone."

"Ah, dang it, um… How about- no, now I can't see you."

"I can see you, though. And hear you. Hi!"

"…Blaine? Did you say something?"

"Crap, you can't hear me, can you? Try, uh, try moving the thing- no, the other thing."

"How about now? Can you-"

"Yeah, yeah, I can!

"Me, too!"

"Yay!"

Kurt smiled at him from the computer screen. "Hey, Blaine! So what's up?"

"Pfft, I spent the entire day searching Drapple fanfics. Boring. What about _you_?"

"Drapple, Blaine? Really?"

"They're funny!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're such a dork sometimes, you know?"

"Yeah, but I'm _your _dork!"

"True."

"So? New York?"

"I… Gosh, Blaine. I almost can't believe it!"

"What'd you do today?"

"Oh, this morning I finished getting everything organized. Then I had lunch on campus- the food here's so-so. Better than McKinley. Then there was orientation, and I got my class schedule. There are surprisingly few countertenors here- I didn't realize. My master class only has, like, five guys in it."

"Weird…"

Kurt continued rambling, dissecting if the lack of countertenors meant that he was one of the lucky few who got in, or if it simply meant that there were less in the running. "I mean, I know it's an honor, either way, but I'm, you know, curious." Blaine nodded and hummed in response. "So, yeah, after that, I went to this charming little coffee house with Jared and a few other guys. Then I walked around Central Park-"

"All by yourself?"

"Yeah…"

"Kurt, what if-?"

"Blaine, I was _fine, _see?" He held out his arms and spun in front of his laptop. "I can handle a little trip to Central Park."

"Yeah, but-"

Kurt sighed loudly. "I wish I was with you right now. I want to reach out and kiss you and tell you it'll be all right."

Blaine sighed, too. "I wish that, too."

Kurt smiled and touched his fingertips to the computer screen. "I love you, Blaine."

"I love you, too, Kurt," he replied, mirroring the gesture. They sat like that for a while, neither wanting to break off the connection. Then a thought came into Kurt's head, making him frown slightly. Blaine picked it up immediately, even over the internet. "Hmm?"

"Oh, it's just…"

"Go on."

"Well… I'm worried that… that now that I'm over here… you won't have anything to do with yourself…"

"You mean like-"

"IN A NON-SEXUAL WAY, BLAINE. God."

Blaine snickered. "You know me too well."

"That's because I love you so much. But seriously, Blaine. You should do, like, a project or something. Learn a new skill. Write a story. Make a movie. Something cool like that. So that you're not waiting for Drapple fics to update all year."

Blaine snorted. "Or maybe something to take my mind off all the Drapple fics I'm waiting for…"

"Blaine… Just… Just promise me you'll find _something_ to do."

"I'd promise just about anything, Kurt. And this is easy. Of course I'll do it!"

"Good. I just don't want you to… to waste away while I'm gone."

Blaine frowned. "I wouldn't-" He broke off. He really didn't have plans for this year. He'd thought it would be enough to just wait until he and Kurt could be together again. But Kurt had a point- he needed to keep himself active. "I won't waste away. I promise."

"Good." Kurt smiled at him again. "I can't wait to see whatever you do."

"I'll knock your freaking socks off. I promise." They laughed. "Hey, Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I know."

It was a while before they logged off. Blaine began describing a particularly terrible fanfiction in which the apple got pregnant. Then they ate dinner together- they both heated up cups of Ramen Noodles and chowed down in front of their computers. When Kurt's eyelids began to droop, Blaine insisted that Kurt get some sleep. At first, he protested, but when he nearly fell asleep in midsentence, Blaine managed to coerce him.

"Good night, Blaine."

"Good night, Kurt."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know."

After about five minutes of this, they actually logged off. Blaine closed his laptop, the noise almost deafening after the complete silence left by Kurt's absence.

_Learn a new skill. Write a story. Make a movie. Something cool like that. So that you're not waiting for Drapple fics to update all year._

_Just promise me you'll find _something _to do._

_ I don't want you to waste away while I'm gone._

He wouldn't let Kurt down. He'd do something while Kurt was out starting his own adventure.

But… what would that be?

-o0o-

He'd never tell this to Kurt, but inspiration came to him in the form of an absolutely terrible Drapple fic.

"Draco gently caressed the smooth skin of the apple. 'I know,' he murmured seductively, 'that I'm not too good at expressing my feelings through words… but I thought, maybe, I could tell you… through song.' The blond-haired boy pulled out a ukulele and began to strum."

The first thoughts that ran through his head were the usual: _This is stupid. You are singing to an _apple, _Draco. GTFO. You're embarrassing yourself. _But then, realization dawned.

_What's more badass than a ukulele? _

He grinned hugely. That was it! He'd learn to play the ukulele! He'd bought one when he was 13, intent on mastering it, but he'd grown bored quickly. But now, maybe, he'd have the drive to learn. And then, once he'd learned just the right song, he'd sing it for Kurt.

It was perfect.

-o0o-

The ukulele was pretty nice. Good quality. It fit comfortably under his arm, and it rested just right on his leg when he sat. He learned a few basic chords quickly, and soon he'd learned a short, basic song. It still wasn't polished, but if he concentrated, he could sing and play at the same time. He practiced all day, occasionally breaking off to explore other songs and print off chord sheets. He was almost quivering with excitement when it was time to Skype with Kurt, even though he'd told himself he wanted to keep it a surprise.

"Hey, Blaine! How was your day?"

"You know, the usual. More Drapple." His words were calm, but his voice quivered, and his lips twitched into a smile.

"Blaine, really, what happened?"

Blaine squirmed, internally debating, then burst out, "…I found something. Something awesome! But it's not ready yet. I wanna surprise you!"

"Well, now I'm curious."

"But if I show you what I've got now, it won't be as much of a surprise later!"

"Please!" Kurt begged. "Please tell me!"

Blaine couldn't really resist. He told Kurt to close his eyes and wait, then scurried off. He returned with his ukulele and a bunch of paper. He set one sheet in front of him, bouncing excitedly. "Okay, Kurt!"

Kurt opened his eyes, then laughed. "Is that… a ukulele?"

"Yeah! I gave him a name, too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Bradshaw."

"Bradshaw?"

"Uh-huh! I thought it was cute."

Kurt chuckled. "It is. So? What have you got for me?"

"Okay, check this out!" He fidgeted for a few seconds, then tentatively strummed.

"_F is for friends who do stuff together."_

"No."

"_U is for you and meeee!"_

"No way."

"_N is for anywhere and any time at all_

_Down here in the deep blue seeeaaaaaaa!"_

"Oh my God, Blaine."

They both dissolved into giggles.

"Was it that bad? I've only been practicing for a day, now."

"No, love. It was incredible." In truth, it was pretty bad. His strumming pattern reminded one of a toddler struggling to keep time to a Wiggles song, and he was speak-singing, which made his tone nasal and immature. But Kurt didn't care.

"I'll get better. I only know a few chords. Some of them are tough. Like B minor. That's a bitch. You have to get your hand around like this-" He showed Kurt.

"Well, you have a whole year. You'll get the hang of it."

"Yeah… What about you? How was your day?"

Kurt launched into an in-depth analysis of his classes, taking him through his favorite and least favorite subjects and teachers. "Our master class doesn't start meeting till tomorrow, though. I'm so excited! They said we're supposed to bring a pre-prepared piece to sing for the class. I'm thinking _Wicked_."

"That'd be fantastic! You'll kill it. All the other countertenors are gonna have to go rethink their life choices afterwards!"

Kurt smiled at him, laughing again. "You give the best compliments, you know that?"

"Why, thank you! You're pretty easy to compliment."

They ate dinner together again- they had TV dinners this time- and again went through a five-minute round of goodbyes. And for the first time in a long while, Blaine went to bed excited for the immediate future of the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine spent the day practicing the FUN song and learning a new one- "Apologize" by One Republic. It was really pretty easy- just the same four chords on repeat through the whole song. He was learning, slowly but surely.

On their Skype date that night, he noticed immediately that Kurt had been crying. "Kurt, what's wrong?"

Kurt sniffed. When he spoke, his voice was watery. "I... The teacher asked for a volunteer to sing for the class, and, of course, like, you don't pass that up, right? You gotta, you know, make him remember you, make an impression, that kind of stuff. So I volunteered, and then-" he sniffed again and crossed his arms "-then he just... he absolutely tore me apart, Blaine. In front of the entire class. And he- he spent the rest of the lesson having everyone critique _everything_ I did."

Blaine could see tears making little white sparkles on the image of Kurt from his computer screen. He wanted more than anything to be in New York right then. His arms jerked up awkwardly, as if he wanted to reach a comforting hand to the computer. "Oh, Kurt! That sounds terrible!"

Kurt nodded. "I only barely kept myself from breaking down. I just kept nodding."

"Well, at least you didn't bitchare them. It shows you can take criticism. That'll be important when you're on Broadway dealing with evil directors and grumpy reviewers and stuff. Although, I have no idea what they could find to criticize..."

Kurt smiled. "I did learn some stuff..."

"Excellent! Like what?" Blaine prompted.

"Like... Alex said I could work on my posture. And Ryan told me to breathe lower."

"What does that mean?"

"Like, keep everything in your gut, not, like, in your shoulders. Like there's this thing Kristin Chenoweth's vocal teacher told her in college- you-" he snorted, blushing. "She said she should sing from her hoo-hoo."

Blaine laughed. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"I think so."

"Well, you'll need to find something else to sing through, then."

"I guess I will."

They both giggled.

"Have you been practicing with Bradshaw today?"

"Of course I have!"

"When do I get another concert?"

"Not until I learn to play an actual song. And anyway, why am I the only one giving concerts?"

"You want me to sing for you? Right now?"

"No, after we stop Skyping. Yes, right now! And try using some of the stuff we learned today!"

"Okay. Fine. A private concert it is. Because I am such a good boyfriend. "

"You are."

Kurt smiled, then thought, breathing deeply. "Okay, here we go." He took another breath and began. Blaine gazed, enraptured, at the screen as his beautiful, amazing, astounding boyfriend sang "Blackbird" to him over the internet. His face would sometimes screw up in concentration, applying the things he'd learned to good use. It definitely showed, but there was something missing. The emotion was diluted by the concentration on technique. With time, though, the new things would become second nature. That's why Kurt was there- not only to get better, but to practice until things became effortless. Until a concert performance became as free and thoughtless as belting out a song in the shower. But this concentration was the first step. Only two days in, and Kurt was kicking college's ass. Blaine's heart swelled with pride.

"How was that?"

"I love you."

"I'll take that as a 'totally awesome,' then."

"Kurt, I'm so proud of you."

Kurt smiled at his keyboard. "I know."

Blaine gazed at his boyfriend with sappy puppy eyes and sighed. "…It really isn't fair."

"What isn't fair?"

"I can't be there to be proud of you in person."

"Oh, Blaine…" Kurt's fingertips brushed the screen. "You're with me every day, you know? I can feel you. And I always have a picture of you with me in my wallet. I always know that you're proud of me."

Blaine shook his head, his mouth twitching, trying to keep tears at bay. This was the time that talking would give way to touching- a clasped hand; fingertips on a cheek, brushing away teardrops; a warm, protective hug. But that couldn't happen now. So Blaine tucked in his legs and wrapped his arm around himself. "It shouldn't have to be like that, though," he sighed, almost whiney. "You shouldn't have to get by with a couple of pictures and a _feeling_, Kurt."

"We have our Skype dinner dates, too! And you'll be visiting sometimes. And I'll come home over the holidays."

"I'm trying to convince my parents to let me come this weekend."

"Really? That'd be great!"

"It would," Blaine agreed. "Where would I stay, though?"

"You're not allowed to stay on campus- WHICH _SUCKS!_"

"Amen, bro!" Jared called from someplace un-captured by Kurt's webcam.

"Has he been listening to us?" Blaine squeaked.

"Not really, I don't think- Have you?"

"I caught a little. NBD."

"NBD? Seriously?" Blaine asked skeptically.

Jared crawled up next to Kurt on the latter's bed and stuck his tongue out at Blaine. Kurt pushed his room mate affectionately. "Go _away, _Jared. I am Skyping with my boyfriend now. This is boyfriend time."

"I'd like to think we are friends, Kurt!" Jared protested, mock-offended. Blaine glared at him, but no one noticed.

"We won't be for much longer if you don't stop creeping!"

"_Fine. _Bye, Blaine!"

"Bye, Jared," he replied icily.

Kurt sighed when Jared was out of earshot. "I had no idea what I got myself into with him. He was so shy on the first day, but then…" He shrugged. "Meh. What're ya gonna do?"

"So," ignored a slightly ruffled Blaine, "as I was saying before we were rudely interrupted, I could go on Google to see if I can find a motel there. If I find someplace cheap, my parents might let me go more often."

"I don't want you to stay in some disease-infested hellhole, though!"

"Kurt, have you forgotten that I'm still in Lima?"

Kurt snorted. "Point made. I think one of my friends would know where the best places are. I'll ask her."

"Awesome."

"Hey, I'm starving. What d'you want for dinner tonight? I've got Cup-O-Noodles, Easy Mac… uh… more Cup-O-Noodles…"

"What about brinner?"

"All I have in the way of breakfast foods are Pop-Tarts and cereal…"

"Perfect! How about some Cap'n Crunch?"

"Okay…" Kurt laughed lightly. "I'll go get it. Be right back!"

"Me, too!"

A few minutes later, they were settling down to a wholesome dinner of sugary cereal in plastic bowls. Blaine loved the dinnertime ritual already. It made him feel closer to Kurt, and though he knew eating all the crappy college foods Kurt was eating probably wasn't good for him, it was nice to know that the two of them were sharing those little, mundane moments. _If we have enough time together to do ordinary things, _Blaine's brain reasoned, _then we have enough time together to be a couple._ That night, they would fall asleep in separate beds, and they would wake up tomorrow at different times, but for that tiny bit of time, they were doing the everyday things that they might have missed out on.

-o0o-

"Kurt! Kurt! Guess what!"

"What, Blaine?"

"My parents are letting me come to New York! I'll be there tomorrow night!"

"Really?" Kurt squealed excitedly.

"Yeah! My dad doesn't get it, of course, but my mom and Coop were on my side, and we got him to cave. There's just one thing, though."

"Oh?"

"I have to pay for the hotel. Which I think is going to be a regular thing. I have some money saved up, but I think I'll need to get a job or something…"

"Well, a little work never hurt anyone, right?"

"Right. Plus, the school is paying kids to work as tutors now. I could do that."

"You'd be great at that, Blaine! You even helped me with my Lit classes last year. You've probably got all the homework for that class done by now!"

Blaine made a dismissing noise, blowing air out through his teeth. "Enough about that. _I'm coming to New York tomorrow! _I can't wait!"

"Me, neither!"

"Bradshaw's excited, too!"

"I get to meet Bradshaw?"

"Of course you do! He practically pissed himself when I told him."

Kurt dissolved into a fit of giggles. "_Why is that so funny?_"

"I haven't the foggiest."

Kurt laughed harder. "_What did you just say?_"

"I said that I haven't the fo- _why are you laughing?_"

"_I don't know!_" Kurt wailed. Their excitement bubbled over into uncontrollable waves of laughter. At last, they sighed in unison and sat up. Kurt wiped a tear from his eye. "So when are you arriving?"

"I was thinking that if I came around 6:30 I could get settled a bit before dinner."

"Sounds great! We should really go out somewhere. Maybe you could meet some of my new friends."

"I dunno… I kind of wanna have one of our little college-style dinners… Plus, we'll have time to go out on Saturday."

"You'll be here on Saturday night? How long are you staying?"

"Until, like, Sunday afternoon."

"Really? Wow!"

"I know!"

"I'm just… Yay! I can't wait! I'm so excited! Can I do something real quick?"

"Sure, anything!"

"Okay. I'll be right back, all right?"

"All right…"

Kurt leapt off the bed, tossing the laptop so that it landed on the bed. Blaine could see him spazzing happily. He danced into another room, calling in a singsong voice. "MY BOYFRIEND IS COMING TOMORROWWWWW!" Blaine was beaming. He could hear Kurt shouting the news at Jared. "BLAINE IS COMING AND HE'LL BE HERE UNTIL SUNDAY AND WHEEEEEEEE!"

"Jeez, Kurt, you've only been apart, like, a week!"

"BLAINE IS COMING!"

"So I've heard."

"I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM NOW BYE!"

"Bye…"

Kurt skipped breathlessly back to the bed. "I'm excited."

"Me, too."

"I could sing!"

"Then do! I always wanna hear you sing."

"Okay, but you've gotta join me."

"Deal."

Smiling crazily, Kurt began:

"_The sun'll come out, tomorrow_

_Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow_

_There'll be sun…"_

Blaine joined in, harmonizing effortlessly.

"_Just thinkin' about tomorrow_

_Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow_

_Till there's none…"_

They were laughing again, struggling to get the song out around it.

"_Tomorrow, tomorrow_

_I'll love ya tomorrow_

_You're only a day away!"_

"It's gonna be a long day…" Kurt sighed.

"Yeah, but it'll be worth it!"

"It will."

They ate dinner then: Easy Mac mixed with a can of tuna.

"Guess what, Kurt."

"What?"

"I'm gonna be eating crappy college food in New York tomorrow!"

"I know! Quit reminding me, I'll start flailing again!"

"Okay."

"Hey, Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you!"

"I love you, too!"


	4. Chapter 4

The day dragged on for ages. He had to get to the airport at four, so he spent the morning packing, unpacking, and packing again. Bradshaw was his biggest challenge- Blaine hated the idea of tossing him down below with the luggage, but he was afraid that the ukulele wouldn't fit as a carry-on. Eventually, he decided on checking Bradshaw, making sure that he was all but mummified first. He left for the airport early and flew through check-in with stubborn impatience. He was counting down the seconds until he'd get to see Kurt.

He was nervous. He'd had an idea. It was terribly risky. Maybe a little corny. But there was something about it. It felt right. There was some deep certainty inside him that pushed him towards his decision.

And he was sure that it- that Kurt- would be worth it.

-o0o-

"Hi, there!"

"…Hi?"

"I'm Blaine. It looks like I'll be sitting next to you for the flight. What's your name?"

"…Phil."

"Hi, Phil! Where are you going?"

"New York."

"Oh, duh! Same as me! We're on the same flight. Derp."

Phil, who had smooth, dark hair and wore a sharp polo, gave him an awkward smile and a small chuckle.

"I'm going to New York to see my boyfriend. He goes to NYADA."

"Oh, cool…"

"I have a photo! Here!" He pulled out his wallet and showed Phil Kurt's senior picture. It depicted him playing the piano, his eyes cast down under his eyelashes. Phil smiled again.

"He seems nice."

"He is! And I'm seeing him!" Blaine bounced on the edge of his seat. "Why are you going to New York?"

"Uh, I'm meeting some friends from Europe. We're all seeing a show."

"Oooh, that's so cool! Were you in Europe?"

Blaine listened intently as Phil recounted an exchange he'd taken his sophomore year of high school. Phil, in turn, endured Blaine's ceaseless jabber and restless energy. Every few minutes, he'd check his watch, and his foot tapped so fast, it was a blur.

"Dude, you're, like, really excited," Phil observed. "How long has he been gone, anyways?"

"A week," Blaine replied, checking his watch.

"Seriously? Only a week?"

"Yeah, well, it's not just that we haven't seen each other in a week. It's that we won't be able to do this too much over the next year, you know?"

Phil nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, like… the rarity of this situation has already made an impression on you."

"Yes, that! That was oddly eloquent."

"I've been known to have my moments…"

"Well, yeah, that's it, though. I know that these are gonna be the highlight of my year. Gotta be psyched for that."

Phil nodded, and Blaine randomly recounted the time when he and Kurt went as Snooki and the Situation for Halloween.

-o0o-

Blaine found his motel pretty easily. It was pretty shabby, but it would do- and, anyway, it was awesome enough because it was in New York, where Kurt was. By the time he got there, he had about fifteen minutes to freshen up before Kurt would meet him. He checked his pocket. He didn't really know when he'd pull the box out, but he wanted to be ready. By 6:55 he was pacing the lobby, twirling every so often and humming aimlessly. The butterflies built up in his stomach until he felt like he'd burst or scream or sing. And then-

"Blaine!"

"Kurt!"

They flew into each other's arms. Blaine lifted Kurt up by the waist and spun him around before planting a tender kiss on his mouth. He savored everything at once- the smell of Kurt's skin, the taste of his mouth, the warmth of his arms around Blaine. It was almost as if they'd never parted. But then they broke away, and the cold actuality of their surroundings and their circumstance filled the air between them.

"How was your trip, then?" Kurt asked, his hand still comfortingly tight on Blaine's.

"Oh, it was fine. I talked the ear off of the guy sitting next to me. He's probably telling his friends right now about the creepy kid who kept showing him pictures of his boyfriend dressed as Snooki."

"Why would you show him that?" Kurt yelped. But he was smiling so warmly and happily that he couldn't really look too shocked. Blaine laughed at his boyfriend's tone and kissed him again, quickly.

"I can't wait to see your dorm room!"

"Let's go, then! I saved a delicacy for us; there's a sleeve of Oreos with our names on it!"

"Oooh, Oreos! I'll be right back- I need to get someone."

"Oh?"

But Blaine had already dashed off, returning moments later with a strange black case.

"Is that-?"

"I'll show you when we get to your room."

Kurt tugged on Blaine's arm. "Come on! I wanna see him!"

They walked; Kurt confessed that he hadn't actually used the subway much, and it was probably not the safest mode of travel. As it was August, it was fairly hot, but that didn't stop them from traveling with as many body parts touching as they could without being too awkward. Their arms snaked around the other's waists. Blaine rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. Occasionally, Kurt's lips would brush Blaine's hair.

_ I wonder if it'll be like this, later, _Blaine thought. _I wonder if we'll spend every day walking down the street like this when we're older and together._

He really hoped so.

-o0o-

Kurt pulled Blaine into the dorm room and flicked on the light. "I guess Jared left us some private time. That was nice of him."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'll give you a tour if you want."

"Oooh, fun!"

Kurt smiled and traced his fingers up and down his arm before tugging him around the small room. He pushed open a door near the room's entrance. "Each dorm gets its own bathroom, which is awesome. It's kind of small, but it works fine." He showed Blaine the small shower and plain sink. Then he led him away so he could get a good look at the living space. Kurt's bed was on the far side of the room. His dresser was pressed up against the wall, and he'd installed a bar so that he could hang some of his clothes. A milk crate sat next to the bed ("It's college chic!") and supported a tiny lamp, framed pictures- one of Blaine that was adorned with the word "courage" in letters cut out of magazines, and one of the Hudson-Hummel family- and a book. Another bed, which must have been Jared's, along with another milk carton, resided next to Kurt's. Some boxes held piles of clothes, tossed helter-skelter in chaotic lumps. Blaine caught his boyfriend's eye, and Kurt wrinkled his nose. Against the opposite wall, an old, clunky TV, hooked up to a DVD player, sat on another milk crate. There was also a microwave. And a mini fridge. It was small and plain, but they were there together, so it was perfect.

"What about that giant poster you told me you were gonna put up?"

"Jared got creeped out by it; I had to take it down," Kurt joked.

Blaine smiled halfheartedly. "So… I heard something about Oreos?"

"Why, yes, you did!" Kurt skipped over to the mini fridge and pulled out the promised cookies, along with a jug of milk. Then he grabbed some glasses from a box on top of the microwave. "Tonight… we shall feast!"

"Huzzah!" Blaine cheered, pouring each of them some milk. They clinked glasses and each dipped a cookie into the other's cups. "Hmmm…"

"It's so good!"

"Nom!"

Kurt sighed contentedly. "But man doesn't live on Oreos alone, right? I've got something else!"

"I didn't realize we'd have multiple courses…"

Kurt returned to the fridge and revealed a microwave pizza. "Ta-da!"

Blaine "oohed" appreciatively. Minutes later, they were chowing down on crappy pizza. More importantly, they were chowing down on crappy pizza _together_.

He'd thought about waiting. They were going to an expensive restaurant- Cooper's treat- the next day. It would have been romantic. But there was something about thoroughly enjoying terrible pizza in a tiny dorm room…

He stared down at their clasped hands. "…Kurt?"

"Mhmm?" Kurt hummed around a mouthful of pizza.

"I… I have something… For you…"

Kurt swallowed. "Oh?"

"Yeah, um…" He pulled the box out, blushing, finally looking Kurt in the face. "Tell me if it's too much, but I… I thought…"

"Blaine, oh my God, what is this?" Kurt's eyes grew wide as he opened the box.

The ring wasn't much. Just a small band of silver. One word was engraved on the inside: courage.

"It's a promise. It's-"

"Blaine, I am familiar with the concept of a promise ring. Is this… Are you for real?"

"Yeah, I am. Kurt, I love you."

"I love you, to, Blaine. I love you so much." Kurt slid the ring on his finger, wiping his eyes. He stared at the silver band, disbelieving, then turned his gaze on Blaine. "I love you."

And then they were kissing. They pulled each other closer and closer. Their hands traveled over each other's bodies. Kurt was pushing Blaine down onto the mattress. And then-

"Oh, woah, hey, guys!"

Blaine groaned loudly and sat up. Kurt followed. "Way to knock, Jared."

"Sorry, guys! Shoulda left a sock on the door or something…"

The couple looked daggers at Jared. Kurt slid the cookies behind his back, but not soon enough.

"Oooh, are those Oreos?"

"No. No they are not."

"Yes, they are! Gimme!"

Jared snatched the cookies away and shoved three in his mouth at once.

"Hey!" Blaine protested.

"Oh, sorry!" the room mate mumbled around a full mouth. He swallowed and stuck out his hand. "I'm Jared. And you must be Blaine."

"Hi," Blaine replied stiffly, only briefly shaking the hand.

"Okay, bro, I get it. I'll leave you guys alone." The boy flopped onto his bed and stuck in a pair of ear buds. His red-brown curls hung in his eyes and marginally stocky frame seemed to occupy the entire mattress at once. He tried to look uninterested, but Blaine saw his brown eyes flit occasionally to where they were sitting.

"I think… maybe I should go…"

"Oh, Blaine, we can still-"

"No, it's fine. I really should-"

"Maybe I could come with you?"

Blaine smiled. "That'd be great!"

"Excellent!" Kurt gave Blaine a little peck on the lips before dumping a few overnight things into a duffel bag. "C'mon!"

"Aww, you're really leaving?" Jared piped up.

"Yes. You have the dorm to yourself tonight, _bro_," Kurt smirked, grabbing Blaine's hand in his own.

"Bye, Jared!" Blaine called, laughing. He tucked Bradshaw under one arm and ran behind Kurt, slamming the door behind him.

-o0o-

The hotel was dark, shady, and messy. But there was something kind of adventurous about it, too. Sexy, even. Blaine only wanted more- he wanted to feel more, to see more, to touch more. Kurt, however, had other plans.

"When do I get to meet Bradshaw?"

"Later, Kurt," Blaine begged, his arms wrapping around his boyfriend's waist.

"Please, Blaine?" Kurt pushed away, his fingers caressing the ukulele's case.

"Fine." Blaine opened the case and pulled Bradshaw out. He held him out for Kurt to see. The countertenor's fingers brushed the wooden surface hesitatingly. Blaine nodded, and Kurt cradled Bradshaw in his arms and strummed tentatively. Blaine came up behind him, guiding his fingers to make a C chord. Kurt smiled and turned his head to kiss his boyfriend, then shoved Bradshaw back into his arms.

"Please play for me. I wanna hear it!"

"I've only been playing a week. I'm still rough."

"Pleeeeaaaaaseeee?"

"Okay, but you're ruining it for when I become super-ninja-awesome later!"

"Yay!"

Blaine rolled his eyes. "The only reason I chose to learn this song is because it's easy. Just so you know." He checked that Bradshaw was in tune, then began to sing. His strumming had gotten better. He'd changed the rhythm a little bit. It suited his voice, and it was a good match for the sound of the ukulele.

"_I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground, the ground,_

_And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound, a sound,_

_Tell me that you love me then you go and cut me down, but wait,_

_When you said you're sorry, never thought I'd turn around and say…"_

Kurt was in awe. Blaine had said that he was rough, but he was selling himself short. He was obviously a natural. Little did Kurt know, Blaine had practiced constantly. He'd strummed the chords while reading, while watching TV, even in his sleep. Probably. He couldn't know for sure, but there had to be some reason he was waking up with Bradshaw clutched in his arms.

"_It's too late to apologize_

_It's too late_

_I said it's too late to apologize_

_It's too late…"_

Blaine finished the song awkwardly- he hadn't really figured out the ending yet. He smiled at Kurt. "So… yeah…"

"Blaine, that was amazing!" Kurt set Bradshaw gently on the floor and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck.

"I'm practicing hard."

"Good. Keep at it."

"I will. I promise." Blaine's hand met Kurt's, and he pressed his lips against the silver ring. Kurt giggled giddily.

"I can't believe you got me a ring. I just… I really, really love you."

"I love you, too. So much."

"I feel like I should get you a ring, now."

Blaine cupped Kurt's face with his hand. "You don't need to. It's enough that you accepted mine."

"No, I'm getting you one. Just you wait, Blaine Anderson. I'll get you a ring, too."

"Kurt, you really don't-"

Kurt cut him off with a kiss. "I'm getting one for you. No question about it."

"I won't stop you."

"Good." Kurt kissed him again. And then he went a little past kissing. And then he went a little more past kissing…

-o0o-

They woke up in each other's arms, and Blaine had to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't a dream. Kurt shifted in his arms, his eyes fluttering.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Kurt's sleepy laughter tinkled in Blaine's ears. "Hi, dear." He turned to kiss Blaine lightly. Blaine tried to kiss back, deeper, but Kurt pulled away.

"I haven't brushed yet. I probably taste terrible."

"You could never taste terrible."

"Well, let's not test it." Kurt got up and took a toothbrush and toothpaste from his bag. Blaine let out a mock-exasperated sigh.

"Come back quickly!"

"I will, don't worry!"

"Good."

-o0o-

Kurt and Blaine did the whole tourist thing. They saw Times Square, Rockefeller Plaza, the Empire State Building. They took dozens of photos. They bought souvenirs. That night, Blaine looked up the directions to the restaurant where his brother had made reservations.

"Blaine, this place is too nice!"

"Hey, if I had my way, we'd be eating Ramen Noodles in your dorm room again. But Coop insisted."

"That man will be the death of us."

"Come on, let's go in."

Everything in the restaurant was extravagant. It was an incredibly romantic place, but Blaine still preferred the crappy college cuisine and the little, bare dorm. There was something more intimate about it, somehow. He couldn't put a finger on it, but he didn't really have to. And either way, as long as he was with Kurt, it didn't matter where he was.

-o0o-

"I don't wanna go!"

"I don't want you to go. But you have to. I'm sure Mr. Schue'll be trying to prep you for glee already. And you've gotta spend quality time with Bradshaw! Plus, if you have to stay in that hotel for another straight night-"

"Oh, I wouldn't say those were very straight…"

"Blaine!" Kurt laughed. Blaine hugged him tightly.

"I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you, too. I love you. Thank you so much for the ring!"

"Thank _you_ for not shutting me down!" Blaine pecked him on the cheek. "I love you, too."

"I'll talk to you tonight, right?"

"Right."

"Good. See you later, then, I guess."

"See you, Kurt."

They kissed once again, then Blaine had to rush off to make his plane.

The promise ring was supposed to alleviate Blaine's worries. And it did, a little. But not enough to completely ease the knots in his stomach. He trusted Kurt- really, he did. But, well… As imaginations often do, his ran away with him. He was terrified that Kurt would meet someone while he was gone. He'd meet some gorgeous guy- like that douchebag, Jared- and he'd forget all about Blaine and run off with him. That was Blaine's fear, and the promise ring only slightly relieved it.

_Promises can be broken. So can hearts._


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: _

_First off, I'm really sorry! This took a lot longer than I anticipated. I don't want to keep you waiting, because you're all so awesome for reading my fic and feeling like you need to wait! I'll have a lot of free time this summer, though, so that's good!_

_Secondly, because this fic is now significantly more AU than I ever thought it would be, I am taking some creative license. Therefore, I am happy to inform you that Brittany graduated along with Santana. Because I can….dy._

_Thirdly, check out my author page if you want: a) to meet real-life Bradshaw; b) to receive love from me; or c) to hear the arrangement of "Apologize" Blaine used last chapter._

_Love, J-Lup (That's a thing, right? I can make that a thing…)_

Blaine was practicing a new song- Death Cab's "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"- when the doorbell rang. He opened it to find his show choir director smiling on his doorstep and clutching a folder.

"Hey, Mr. Schue! What's up?"

"Hi, Blaine! Can I come in? I have some things to discuss with you about the upcoming year."

"Oh, sure," Blaine replied, stepping aside and directing Mr. Schuester to the living room. Will sat down across from the area Blaine had previously occupied. Blaine organized his scattered chord sheets and closed his laptop, setting Bradshaw carefully on the floor.

"Is that a ukulele?"

"Yep. I'm trying to learn how to play. I have a lot more free time this year, you know?"

The teacher nodded. "Have you talked with Kurt recently?"

Blaine smiled widely. "Yeah. Actually, I was just out there yesterday. We got to see each other in person before school really set in for me."

"That's great! How is he?"

"He's settling pretty well. I'm really proud of him." Blaine didn't feel the need to bring up the ring that was now residing on Kurt's finger. He honestly couldn't understand why members of the New Directions felt the need to share so much with each other. At Dalton, he'd talked outside of practice, if people felt like talking. The council frowned on people taking up time during the meetings with personal matters.

"We all are," Schue replied, grinning. Then he straightened the folder and cleared his throat. "Well, Blaine, you know that Glee practice is starting up next week, along with school, and I want to hit the ground running. I'm going to need you to be a real leader, since we'll be adding so many newbies."

"I'm honored, Mr. Schue, of course, but I've never been much of the leader. I mean, even at Dalton, the council decided most things. Aren't there other people who would be better suited?"

Of course, Blaine knew there weren't many people coming back. Sam had gone back to live with his parents, and Joe had been pulled out of public school. Rory had gone back to Ireland. It was just Blaine, Artie, Tina, and Sugar. Tina would make a great, if quiet leader for the girls, but for the boys, he didn't know who would be better for the job. Blaine wasn't very confident in himself, but he remembered the way Artie had freaked out during "West Side Story." In Blaine's mind, it was a toss-up.

"Blaine, I think you can do this. I trust you." Mr. Schue smiled encouragingly and held out the folder. "These are some ideas I have for recruitment, set lists, things like that. Look over them and tell me if you have any suggestions, okay, Blaine?"

"I… Okay."

"Awesome! I look forward to your thoughts."

The two talked for a little more, Will asking more about Bradshaw and even giving some pointers, before the man had to go, explaining that he had a lunch date with Emma. When Mr. Schue had left, Blaine flipped through the folder, grimacing at the selections. Lots of 80's, little Katy Perry. He'd heard Kurt tell him horror stories from the first years of the New Directions. It seemed Schue was trying to return to the days of all-Journey set lists. _How'd _that _turn out for you, hmm?_

Blaine tossed the folder aside, making a mental note to show Kurt. Then he settled back at his computer. He reached for Bradshaw, but stopped when he noticed the little (1) that had popped up in his Facebook tab. He clicked the tab open and saw that he had a friend request from someone named Jared Wells. It took Blaine a moment to realize who this must be. It was Kurt's Room Mate Jared. _That _Jared.

_ Well, you know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer._

Blaine added Jared; then he decided it was time for a little Facebook stalking. He started with his photos. A few of them were of Jared with various other people that Blaine assumed were his friends and family. One picture from a few months ago showed the brunette with a pretty, blond girl. Their hands formed a heart, and the girl was kissing Jared on the cheek. Relief swooped over Blaine. _He's taken. And he doesn't play for our team. I guess I don't need to worry about that…_

Blaine returned to Jared's profile to check his "about" section. _Hmmm… Basic info… Birthday: April 27. Gender: Male. Interested in: Men _and _women? Oh. Okay. Interesting. And… Relationship status: single. Oh, my._

Blaine clicked back to the photo of Jared and the girl. One comment from more recently caught his eye; it was from a guy who appeared to be Jared's brother, as they had the same last name.

"Dude, why didn't you take this photo down? Still not over Jessica?"

Jared's reply: "guess it just never got taken down :P"

Blaine analyzed this. Jared seemed like the kind of guy who might just not do things because he was lazy. On the other hand, maybe he really _wasn't _over this Jessica girl. If anything, this was actually _more _dangerous in Blaine's mind. Jared was lonely, looking for a rebound. A convenient one. Maybe one that lived in the same room as him…

He flinched, trying to rid himself of his dark, irrational thoughts. _Kurt wouldn't do that kind of thing. I trust him. He'd never do anything like that._

_ …But Jared might._

-o0o-

About 20 minutes before they were set to Skype, Kurt texted Blaine:

"Some friends want me to go out to dinner with them tonight, but that would mean I can't talk to you. :("

Blaine replied: "Go ahead! It's fine! Go hang out with your friends!"

Moments later, Kurt responded: "You sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. Have fun! :)"

"You're the best. Love you! Xoxo"

"Love you, too! Xoxoxo"

"XoxoxoXO."

"Are we really doing this?"

"Not any more. You lost."

":P"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow! Bye!"

"Bye!"

This began a streak of skipping out on Skype dates. The next day, Blaine's mother took him shopping for school supplies, despite his protests that he was perfectly able to buy notebooks and binders on his own. The day after that, Kurt had a lecture to go to about modern performance art. The day after that, Cooper took the family out to dinner so they could celebrate Blaine's birthday a day early- which was why Blaine was really rather disappointed when Kurt asked if he could go out with his friends again.

"I won't stop you," he texted back, "but I was kind of hoping we could talk tonight, seeing as it's my special day and all. :P"

"OHMYGODBLAINEIAMSOSORRY! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY! D:"

"It's okay. It'll be fine. You should go."

"No! I'll talk to you! I can go out with my friends some other time!"

"Please go. Have some extra fun for me! ;)"

_Crap. Why did I text that?_

"Are you POSITIVE?"

"Positive."

"I love you! Happy birthday!"

"I love you, too!"

-o0o-

Blaine sighed as he flopped onto his bed. Why did he let Kurt go? He'd acted as if he didn't care, but he _did _care. He cared that he was spending his birthday night without Kurt just because Kurt had wanted to go out with some friends. He cared that Kurt was breaking away from him. He cared that Kurt was forgetting about him.

A knock caused Blaine to jump a little. From the other side of the door, a voice called, "Hey, Squirt? You looked kinda bummed earlier. Wanna talk about it?"

Blaine told his older brother to come in. When Cooper had closed the door behind him, Blaine moaned, "Coop, what is _wrong _with me?"

"There are a lot of answers to that question, little brother."

Blaine threw a pillow at Cooper's head.

"Okay, okay! What happened?"

"Kurt and I haven't Skyped for almost a week, and I thought that _today, _at least, we'd be able to talk, but I told him I was fine with him going out with his friends, but I'm _not _fine, and arrrrgh!" Blaine rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his comforter. "Why do things suck?"

Cooper placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. This was how his brother was- how everyone in their family was, actually. No one would say if something bothered them. They didn't talk about things to the people that needed to hear them. "You could go out with someone else for your birthday. One of your show choir friends, perhaps?"

"No," Blaine grumbled. "I was never really friends with any of the glee kids from my class. And I haven't been in touch with anyone from Dalton for ages. We've all kind of… separated." He winced. If he couldn't keep up a relationship with his old friends from Dalton, what were his chances that he and Kurt would survive the year? They were already breaking apart.

"Oh…" Concern tinted Cooper's gaze. "Well… Maybe you and me could go somewhere? See a movie or something? Or I could take you to that one place you were talking about… Randall's or Skeevies or something…?"

"I am _not _going to Scandals." The younger Anderson sat up, resting his head on his knees. _How much of a hypocrite would I be, then? _

"Blaine… Be honest with me here. Are you… Do you… How are you?"

"How _am _I?"

"Yeah."

"I… Good question." He stared up at Cooper. "You wouldn't believe me if I said 'fine,' would you?"

"No."

Blaine sighed. "I miss him, Coop." He waited for his brother to accept this answer, and when he didn't, he kept going. "And… I guess… I'm scared…"

"Why?"

"You probably wouldn't get it."

Cooper smirked. "Probably not, but try me."

Blaine tried several times to start his sentence before he managed to articulate what was swirling in his mind. "I trust Kurt completely. We both know that. I don't think he'd do anything… anything… _adulterous _or anything…"

"But?"

"But… What if he finds someone _better_? I mean, Kurt's the most beautiful, talented, sweet, caring, smart, funny, adorable-"

"I get it, Blaine. Kurt is God."

Blaine shot him a look. "What I mean is… he could do so much better than me. What if he realizes that and finds someone else while he's in New York?"

There it was.

"Blaine…" Cooper wrapped his brother in a hug. "Kurt loves you. Anyone who's spent five minutes with you two knows it. He thinks you're perfect. He wouldn't leave you for anything."

Blaine shifted in Cooper's arms. "Are you _sure_?"

The older brother held him at arm's length, raising an eyebrow. "Positive. Hey, here's an idea: why don't you talk to _Kurt _about this?"

"He'd think it's stupid. _You _think it's stupid. Hell, I think it's stupid," he huffed.

"I don't think it's stupid, Blaine. I think you're scared, and I think being scared makes you irrational, but I don't think being scared is stupid." Cooper smiled at his brother. "Talk to Kurt."

Blaine frowned. He nodded, not meeting Cooper's eyes. Cooper patted him on the shoulder. "Awesome. Now. Let's do something for your birthday, little bro! You up for Breadstix? I have a new accent I wanna try…"

Blaine snorted. "Sure, Coop."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's note:_

_So this took an insanely long time to even start on, much less complete. I blame writer's block. Yep. The next time this happens, please, please, **please **yell at me via Tumblr, PM's, Twitter, YouTube, DeviantArt, Howler, Floo Powder, or Darren Criss._

_There is a **lot **of music in this chapter. I beg you to listen to as much of it as you can. Especially the Regina Spektor songs. I'm putting up a post on Tumblr with all the songs from this chapter so that you can listen to them. But seriously, if you can't listen to any of the other songs, listen to the Regina Spektor ones. She's amazing._

_Much love,_

_Joanne Lupin (aka J-Lup?)_

Kurt and Blaine finally got to Skype the Saturday before school started at McKinley. After about seven minutes of Kurt fervently apologizing to Blaine for missing his birthday, they talked about the past week. Blaine lamented over the entirely-80's setlist Mr. Schue had given him, waving the music in front of the camera. "He wants me to sing 'Take On Me,' Kurt! We need you back. I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can belt that high!"

Kurt chuckled modestly. That launched him into a story about a night out with some friends. Blaine tried to keep all their names and stories straight, but it was hard for him to keep up. Kurt didn't seem to notice his halfhearted laugh at the end of the story, caught up in the memory of another one.

"Hey," Kurt chirped, pulled out of his narrative by a sudden thought. "When am I gonna get to hear another song?"

"Not for a while," Blaine insisted. "I want this one to be perfect."

Kurt huffed an impatient sigh, but his eyes sparkled. "_Fine. _But soon."

Blaine gave him an affectionate smile- tried to, anyway- and agreed, "Soon."

-o0o-

Talking with Kurt was getting harder, he was beginning to realize. It was around this time that playing with Bradshaw became more than a hobby- it was almost therapeutic. When he got frustrated with the way he and Kurt were beginning to drift apart, he'd lock himself in his room with the ukulele and sing until he felt better.

"_It's like forgetting the words _

_To your favorite song_

_You can't believe it,_

_You were always singing along_

_It was so easy_

_And the words so sweet_

_You can't remember_

_You try to feel the beat"_

That song always seemed to help pull him out of a funk- the way it assured him that other people had gone through this, that he wasn't alone. The way it put his emotions into music. Music, he'd found, was easier to handle than feelings.

That really was how he felt, though. As if he'd forgotten something that had previously been a constant. It threw him off-balance. It haunted him. It wormed his way into his thoughts. One day he'd woken up and things were _different._

And it scared the hell out of him.

-o0o-

The first day of school had Blaine on edge. Though everyone had softened towards the New Directions after their win at Nationals last year, he knew that the attention span of the average jock was short. He couldn't count on their celebrity status from last year to protect him now. In addition, they could have beaten out every show choir from every country in existence, and it wouldn't change the fact that he was an openly gay teenager in Lima, Ohio. Nor did it change the fact that his only friends at school were Artie, Tina, and Sugar. None of whom he was really close to.

Part of him had wanted to go back to Dalton. He'd had loads of friends there, and the no-bullying policy was reassuring, but when he remembered everything that had happened last year, he knew he couldn't go back.

Which was why Blaine was beginning his first day of his senior year with a slushie facial and a subsequent panic attack.

It's not like the slushie did any real damage- unless you counted hair and clothing in the assessment- but one doesn't come away from an experience in which they were nearly blinded without a phobia or two.

It came at him suddenly. A huge, muscled jock got him while he was on the way to his locker, shouting slurs as he did so. There was only a split second where he could process the red blob flying towards him, but that split second was enough for his heart rate to skyrocket and his blood to roar in his ears. Enough for him to freeze with intense fear. Enough for him to remember why he really, really needed to close his eyes. Enough for him to vividly remember the last time he'd been slushied.

When it hit him, all he could do was stand there, his hands balled up into fists, his eyes closed like they were trying to keep out the devil. He was shaking violently, and his breathing sounded strange and jagged even to his own ears. He had no idea how long he was standing there, but he was suddenly aware of a hand on each arm, tugging him somewhere. He heard voices- they sounded female, and they were whispering.

"We've gotta take him to the girls' bathroom."

"But he's a boy!"

"Yeah, and _we're _girls."

"But he would _not _be welcome in the girls' bathroom!"

"The guy said he's… that he's gay. I don't think he's very welcome in the boys' bathroom, either, B."

The other girl sighed, and Blaine sensed them going through a doorway. Gentle hands guided his head down, then water was being poured over his head. Another pair of hands wiped at his eyes. He still refused to open them.

"Hey, Shan, isn't he the one-"

"The Glee club one?"

"Yeah. The one who was out for a few weeks because-"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

A soothing voice whispered in his ear. "Hey. You're Blaine, right? It's okay, Blaine. That was just a regular slushie. You can open your eyes now."

Blaine kept them shut. He was still shaking, and flashbacks were replaying in his head of that night, the slushie, the pain.

"Wait, I think I have an idea. He has that boyfriend, right? The one who got into NYADA?"

"Yeah…"

Hands were suddenly rummaging in his bag. "Aha!" There were a few seconds of silence before he heard a phone ringing. Someone picked up, and he could hear Kurt's voice on the other end of the line.

"Blaine? What's up? I thought you had school-"

"You're Kurt, right? Blaine's boyfriend?"

"Yeah… Who is this?"

"I'm Shannon, and this is Bryna. We're sophomores at McKinley. We're with Blaine. He got slushied just now and he's kind of freaking out…"

"Oh, no! Can I talk to him?"

"That's why we called you, actually. You're on speaker."

"Blaine? Blaine, honey, can you please talk to me?"

"K-kurt?" His voice came out like a terrified squeak.

There was a rush of breath on the other line. "Blaine, you're okay, you got it? No one's going to put rock salt in a slushie, okay? You're fine."

His breathing slowed at Kurt's reassurance, and his muscles relaxed, but he still didn't open his eyes.

"Keep going," one of the girls urged- Bryna, he guessed. "I think he's calming down."

"Blaine, you're gonna be fine, okay, sweetie? Can you say something for me?"

"Kurt?"

"That's it, Blaine. Listen, I really need to go to class, but you'll be okay, you got it? And I'll talk to you as soon as possible. It's going to be all right."

"O-okay."

"I love you, Blaine."

His eyes flickered open.

"I love you too, Kurt."

The girls gave each other a look, as if they'd just seen a puppy peek out of a shoe.

"Okay, I've gotta go now. Talk to you later."

"Okay."

Kurt hung up.

The girls helped Blaine dry off. He'd brought an extra set of clothes, but he didn't feel like going back into the halls just yet.

"That's okay," Bryna soothed, sitting next to him against the wall. "Shan and I both have the same class now, and it's a study hall. We can skip today."

Shannon nodded and sat across from the other two. She held out a hand. "As you probably heard, I'm Shannon. Lyttle. That's my last name. We must not have met last year. We didn't have any classes together or anything."

Blaine shook her hand, then the other girl's, who introduced herself as Bryna Stevens.

"I'm Blaine Anderson, but you seem to know that already."

The two girls glanced at each other. Shannon spoke first. "We're kind of show choir groupies."

"We chronicled your rise to fame on our Tumblr," Bryna added. Shannon nodded.

"Wow… That's…" He smiled. The last time he'd had groupies had been at Dalton. It felt good to know that he had fans. That people were watching.

The girls interrogated him about everything from his previous training to his relationship with Kurt. (And, wow, did they have some odd questions.) Then he asked, "So… Have you ever thought about _joining _New Directions?"

The girls glanced at each other again, an action that Blaine was beginning to recognize as their trademark, and Bryna shook her head.

"We wouldn't be good enough."

Blaine placed a hand on her shoulder. "New Directions accepts all kinds of people. We'd love to have you!"

"Really?"

"Of course! Listen, we have our first practice this Thursday. Can you prepare an audition piece by then? You can sing together if you want, and the band will play whatever you give them."

The girls nodded to each other.

"We'll have something."

-o0o-

They called during lunch that day.

"Blaine? Honey, how are you?"

"Better now. Thanks for calming me down."

"Yeah, well, thank goodness those girls called me."

"I guess. They're really cool. I talked to them for a while. They're, like, huge fans of New Directions. I may have gotten them to audition."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah."

"Seriously, though, Blaine- will you be okay? I mean, this isn't the last time you'll be slushied. And it could… it could get worse."

Blaine sighed. "I know. But what else am I going to do?"

Kurt was silent.

"Besides," Blaine added, "if you could get through it for _months _without anybody to help you, I'll be able to survive the year knowing that I have you."

"Blaine…"

"I can do this, Kurt. It's only a year, remember?"

"Right. Only a year. Blaine?"

"Mhmm?"

"Courage."

Blaine laughed slightly. "Courage."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

That night, Blaine had a new song to sing.

"_Pick a star on the dark horizon_

_And follow the light_

_You'll come back_

_When it's over _

_No need to say goodbye"_

-o0o-

Blaine waved cheerfully at Shannon and Bryna when they entered the choir room for the first Glee practice. Other freshmen and sophomores filtered in as it got closer to the time when practice would start. They sat close together in a scared clump.

"Hello, everyone!" Mr. Schue greeted at the beginning of practice. "I'm Mr. Schuster, director of the New Directions. Later in the season, we'll probably have Ms. Sylvester joining us, but for now, she's out on maternity leave. I'm glad to see some new faces in here! We'll start right away with auditions. Would anyone like to go first?"

Shannon immediately pulled Bryna up to the front. She handed their music to the band and sat confidently in front of the students. "Hi, I'm Shannon Lyttle and this is Bryna Stevens."

With a nod from Will, the girls began singing. Shannon sang confidently, and though her voice wasn't exactly Rachel Berry caliber, she had a nice tone. Bryna's voice was softer, but her light harmonies floated sweetly above Shannon's melody.

"_Sometimes I feel like I'm permafrost_

_Alone on the tundra, I'm really lost_

_And to think that this is how I feel_

_Like the ground is melting and nothing's real"_

When they finished, Blaine smiled and applauded with the rest. They sat next to him, and only then did he notice the slight shaking in Shannon's hands. He patted the girls on the shoulder reassuringly. _"You did great," _he mouthed.

"Well, Shannon, Bryna, welcome to the New Directions!" Will congratulated. "Who next?"

A redheaded boy stood up and quietly said, "I'll go." Will nodded and asked the boy's name. "Ryan Steele," the boy supplied. He stood straight up, grinning politely, but despite his quiet confidence, he seemed awkward. He sat at the piano and began to play, his voice gaining volume and strength the moment he began to sing.

"_When she was just a girl_

_She expected the world_

_But it flew away from her reach_

_So she dreamt of it in her sleep"_

Once Ryan had finished his song and officially been welcomed into the New Directions, Samm Keller and Cody Aden performed a duet of "I'll Never Fall in Love Again." After that came Gavin Mosby, singing, to Blaine's extreme enjoyment, "Ascendio" by the Ministry of Magic, and Amanda Dean singing "Daydreamer" by Adele. The round of auditions finished with Juan Fisher singing "Oh" by Dave Matthews.

"Let's give another round of applause to the new members of New Directions!" Will prompted, standing at the front of the room. "Now, for this week, I have an assignment for you all. I want everyone to come up with a song that describes _you._ Your theme song, if you will. You must sing it for the class by next Thursday."

The rest of the class was spent playing get-to-know-you games. Blaine learned that Ryan played classical piano, that Gavin wasn't just a Potterhead, but a Nerdfighter as well, and that Juan knew how to make huge houses of cards. There was much exchanging of phone numbers, and when Blaine left the practice, he had a feeling that this year's New Directions might actually be able to become to him what last year's had been to Kurt, what the Warblers had been, so long ago: a family.


End file.
